Strategies to help handle Verbal Abuse

Banter or Bullying? – Top Tips on Verbal Abuse           

We were asked to contribute to Anti-Bullying Week in November 2011 which has a theme of handling verbal abuse, so here’s our brief contribution for any kids/ adults to make good use of:

Banter can be fun and engaging.  Bullying is not.  Trust your feelings about whether something is bullying or not.  If verbal abuse or teasing is making you miserable, unsafe or hurt and it is happening on a regular basis –plus the person doing it knows you are upset and keeps on doing it – this is probably bullying.  So what to do about it?

1. You don’t have to face it alone.  Talk to your friends, family, a trusted teacher.  If you can’t do that or are getting nowhere you can always talk confidentially and free to Childline on 0800 1111 or see some great websites
2. You need to be able to think clearly under pressure – taking deep breaths will help you be able to think your way out of a situation (you could even ask MAX to give a free demonstration at your school) 
3. Be the mature one and adopt an adult state, – using an even voice tone, not looking
   aggressive, not looking meek (see the MAX website for video examples) physiology,
   language.

 4.  Because you are still using your brain you can listen and think through a verbal
      response that will not inflame the situation. 

5.   Don’t raise the stakes by being aggressive back.   If you aren’t responding to any
      abuse you can stay in control of your actions and not get drawn into something else. It
      will make the situation worse.  Learn an assertive stance

6.   You don’t have to stand and take it.  The best tip you will ever hear in self defence is
      “be somewhere else”

7.   Keep Verbal Responses Simple: don’t inflame the situation   1 or 2 syllable e.g.s:

STAY BACK!

BACK AWAY!

GO AWAY!

Not Interested Mate

LEAVE ME ALONE (Ask us to deliver  a free seminar at your school/college where we demonstrate and you practice)

If you can think (see above) you can even get people to help (strangers will help you if you direct them) “These people are threatening me can you call the police please!”

Much more on www.maxconflictmanagement.com.   Ask us to come to your school to give our free seminar – received well up and down the country at public and private, primary and secondary schools as well as Attendance Centres, PRUs, scouts and clubs. 

Be safe

Staying Cool Under Verbal Pressure

Polite and respectful are good – but be wary when being distracted

We hear many different versions of distraction ruses.

“I was on holiday in Amsterdam (could be anywhere but this time it was in Holland) with my husband having a lovely time.  Two friendly guys asked for directions.  We thought nothing more until a minute later my husband wondered where his camera was…”

Another time – After a lady alone completed her shopping at the supermarket tricksters followed, observing the pin numbers of the payment card at the checkout and then distracting the victim when they returned to their car, so he or an accomplice can steal the card.

The victim finishes their shopping and returns to the car. Before driving off they are  approached by someone carrying a map who says that he needs help to find his destination.

They victim gets out of the car to help the man find his way to wherever….the trickster opens the map over the bonnet of another car, thereby leading the victim away from their own car which remained open and may have the card ready to be stolen by an accomplice.

Keep your wits about you!  Most people like to be helpful.  You can choose whether to help or not but lock your car if diverted elsewhere or politely but assertively say you can’t help and leave the area, going somewhere else if necessary away from your vehicle to be near others and safe.  You could also park elsewhere before informing security.

To practice these scenarios and much more try out one of open courses.  You will be much better prepared for the fear and adrenaline associated with anything like this and much more.

Be safe.

Road Rage Works

http://www.maxconflictmanagement.com/ian-wright-max-video/road-rage-video

I was talking to a friendly chap yesterday about a horrible incident he witnessed between two cars speeding down the motorway one behind the other at 70+ mph – about 5 inches between each bumper.

In these situations you are closseted in your steel safety cage, but it can be very different when you’re parked up.

I thought I would share an incident that happened recently at much lower speeds, but which could have had a nasty outcome.

A chap was wanting to park outside a post office to send an urgent envelope. There was a tiny space available between

Road Rage on the BBC - see the website for video

2 cars and being a confident reverser he squeezed between the two – just.

Unfortunately in his eagerness he didn’t lightly touch bumper to bumper with the battered old car in front (which would have been bad enough), but the shiny new BMW X5 behind. Oops.

Confident that there was no damage because of the very low speed, the man cursed but was pleased no alarm had gone off from the BMW and that no-one was in it at the time…….

He thought he’d got away with it until an irate Liverpudlian gentleman (who turned out to be the driver if not the owner) banged on the window of our driver’s car asking in a squealing, loud and very angry tone “What the f**k are you doing”?

Our clumsy driver immediately received a big shot of adrenaline.

Having been on a course with us very recently, he was able to consider his options:

1. Stay in my steel safety cage, maybe drive off
2. Engage with the aggrieved person to try and defuse
3. Get out of the car, accept responsibility and face the music and an irate Scouser

On this occasion he first wound down the window (very slightly) to apologise,with “I’m really sorry mate” adding that he had been very slow and careful. Also he asked – is there any damage?

At this point our Merseyside friend stopped taking pictures of the number plate with his phone camera and moved to the rear of the vehicle, where our man also went, but keeping the car between them.

With our man still honestly apologising both checked for any damage, fortunately there was none.

The BMW driver then told our man to be more careful next time and was obviously as relieved as our man that there was no visible damage.

Our man dropped his envelope off as required keeping a watchful eye on his new acquaintance, returned to the car and (this time with no kissing of bumpers) made a quick exit.

Our emPowering Assertiveness and Confidence Training course helped our chap with his fear, confidence and ability to be assertive yet apologetic in the frightening situation that occurred, but correctly and honestly using the word “sorry” without being submissive saved a great deal of potential grief.

At 70 mph there are other options, perhaps to be revisited in a future blog.

If you want to experience our very practical sessions which incorporate situations just like those above, see our website for the next open courses or ask us to hold one for your organisation.

Be safe.

Your friendly Intimidator